Silly Valentines

Oh I can be silly - it's one of those things I like about myself - I think my children like it too. 

So I had great fun and giggles thinking up silly Valentines. The kiddos joined me. Big One with his own ideas (as always) and Little One enjoyed punching out little hearts... everywhere... he loves my punches.

Big One's... 

My Inspiration:  

My Heart Is Like a Zoo

A delightful book by Michael Hall - twenty animals all made from heart shapes. And the best part, twenty different emotions and behaviours for you to chat about with your child. It's a super book that can easily be used in play therapy too. Do click on the link above and grab the kids for a super little trailer of the book. Really cute.

Heart Zoo (from Katherine Marie's Happy Hearts Theme of the Week)

My dear friend Katherine inspires me so and makes me look at every piece of pretty or interesting paper in a new fun visually creative light. If you do go visit over there, I know I've probably lost you for now, but that's okay - I won't blame you. :)

Happy Valentine's day!

Let's Play "Doctor Doctor"

"For children to 'play out' their experiences and feelings is the most natural, dynamic and self-healing process in which children can engage." Garry Landreth

Little One has spent a fair amount of time around hospitals and Doctors in the past few months, having undergone two operations in the short space of three months. He has had blood drawn, injections, hep-locks in his hand - there have been a lot of needles involved!

After our first hospital stay, the impact of these events on his play was immediately evident. Suddenly he was playing "Doctor Doctor" every chance he got and the main story line of each little scenario was needles and injections - he and I swopping the patient/doctor role countless times. 

I share this because it's such a good example of the natural healing and therapeutic value that play has. We as adults can talk about our trauma and in so doing work through feelings like fear, anxiety and powerlessness, but children don't have these words, or ability to express them. These emotional experiences that are important to a child or have significantly impacted on them, will often show up as repeated behaviour in their play (Garry Landreth: Play Therapy. The Art of the Relationship). In play therapy, we refer to these as themes.

 (It's okay little dinosaur. It's all over. - Even a T-rex deserves top class medical care :))

After reading How Do Dinosaurs Get Well Soon? (Jane Yolen and Mark Teague), we added dinosaurs to the game and Little One has enjoyed treating the sick dinosaurs in hospital too. Recently I have noticed a marked decrease in his request for "Mommy, you're sick and I'm the Doctor". This probably means that he has sorted out some of his feelings about these experiences and is emotionally ready to move on. The healing power of play at work! :)

Stay tuned. Some more doctor-related fun coming up.

Fun with Oranges

Who knew that some oranges could be so much fun?

Oranges for cheeks?

Oranges for ears.

Happy oranges...

Juggling oranges!

Cute oranges...

Moody oranges!

Counting oranges...

 In winter, in Cape Town, bags of oranges colour the street corners...it always makes me happy.

Thank you oranges...for these oh so happy pictures!

PS. Photography inspired by Katherine Marie
To see Katherine's veggie faces, click here
Speech bubble created at Superlame

Creating Board Games

I created this board game for play therapy , but Big One spotted it lying on the dining room table and wanted a go.

Board games are generally expensive to purchase and therapeutic board games even more so. As you may know, I am all for making Mommy-made toys and games and it's no different in my approach to play therapy. I really enjoy creating my own play therapy tools. This game was made from an old file and some recycled/rejected business cards, which I sourced from a local printing shop.

You may be wondering how board games fit into play therapy. Some times with older children, I find a game to be quite a non-threatening, playful way to approach more serious issues.

 

The game has pretty basic rules. Throw the dice and depending on where you land, you  either stay put, move forward or back, or pick a card. The card you pick has a word on it. These words include feelings (all sorts) and other words, like "mom, brother, friend, teacher, cheating, honesty, school, home, divorce, bully, punish, protect" etc. All you have to do, is say something about the word that is true for you or your life. 

Big One really enjoyed playing and he was very keen to hear what I had to say when it was my turn to pick a card :). His main priority though, was definitely to win! Don't you think the astronaut counters are cool? (Big One's contribution to the set-up)

Now you don't have to be a play therapist to play this kind of game with your child. You may want to stick to feeling words for starters, but then you could add in some more interesting words. Remember though, that your child must never feel pressurized to make a statement about a card and a statement made should never lead to an interrogation. The tone of the game should be fun.

Have you ever made a home-made board game to play with your child?

PS. I'm linking this to:
It's Playtime!
Show and Tell 
For the Kids Fridays 

Love Connections (Cont.)

One of very first posts that I wrote was about love connections and I promised some more. You may recall that I spoke about life being so very busy and how important it is to find opportunities to really connect with our children in spite of the busyness. 

For me personally one of the best ways to really connect with my children, is with humour. I can get downright silly and I must say that the boys just LOVE it! Whether it's pulling funny faces; suddenly pouncing on them with tickles; or playing an exaggerated "I'm going to come and get you" game , all of these grab their attention and are received with great delight. I think it's in these kinds of moments that they think that I'm just the greatest! I love these moments too, as they often break the tension of the day that inevitably builds up as the day's busyness and tiredness set in.

In contrast to crazy silliness, quiet moments are good too. Sometimes one needs to be still and give a long, deep hug; a listening ear; or a kiss and a cuddle. These opportunities are always there. We just need to take them. 

Here are some more ways to quickly and effectively connect with your children.

• Turn up the music and dance together!
• Create a little ritual (like a secret handshake) and initiate it at any time.
• When your child speaks to you, do your best to stop what you are doing, make eye-contact and acknowledge what they are saying.
• Have a quick play-wrestle on the floor.
• Give an extra long hug or snuggle.
• Whisper a little love message in their ear.
• Give a quick massage or back scratch - whatever they prefer.

None of these need take more than five minutes, but the effect on your relationship can be profound!

If you have any more quick love connection ideas, I would love to hear them. 

Colours and Feelings

I was first introduced to connecting feelings and colours in a play therapy course at University. The technique was called Color-Your-Life (See reference below) and it required that a child would connect  different feelings to specific colours. Once they had their feeling-colour pairs, they would then be asked to fill a page with these colours to  represent the feelings they had experienced in their life. For some children this is rather an abstract concept. A piece of white paper hardly represents a "life", so sometimes one needs to model it first. I must mention that the technique is usually used with children aged 6 to 12 years.

 

Now whether I use this technique in therapy or not, I always tell children about feelings and colours. The book Colour Me Happy by Shen Roddie and Ben Cort is a wonderful companion to have in this process and even though the pictures may seem appropriate for a younger child, I can assure you that older children are grabbed by the bold, bright colours and the humour depicted in some of the pictures. If your child doesn't immediately understand the concept of connecting a colour to a feeling, this book really helps.

Before introducing the book though, it is always interesting to see what feelings children will tell you about when asked. Sometimes they will leave out a feeling that you may consider significant, such as feeling "afraid". but will add a less discussed one, such as "confused". The choice of feelings can give you an idea of what your child may be experiencing at the moment. Remember that children for the most part operate in the here-and-now, so will probably talk about feelings that are relevant to them on that particular day.

Here are some more ideas for using colours and feelings:

Draw a picture of a feeling face or feeling person in the feeling colour that is chosen  by your child and use these pictures to make Feeling Cards. Paste them on some card stock and stick them up in your child's room. It's so easy then to point at a card and say "I'm feeling like this today!". That reminds me, remember to label your feelings out loud, so that your little one hears you acknowledging it.

The Pick-Up-Sticks Game (See reference below) is a another fun way to encourage children to talk about feelings. When your child is familiar with colour-feeling pairs, you can play a traditional game of Pick-Up-Sticks, however when you pick up a stick, you need to tell about a time when you had the feeling associated with the colour of the stick. Remember to share your feelings too. Children want to hear about Mom and Dad's feelings and it's a great time to model the appropriate sharing of feelings.

Most importantly, these games are meant to be fun! If your child resists, try again on another day or think of a different variation. I would always love to hear what colour-feeling games you have come up with. Please leave comments below. I love receiving them.

References:

The Color-Your-Life Technique(Kevin J. O'Conner, 1983). In C.E. Schaefer and K.J. O'Conner (Eds), Handbook of Play Therapy. New York, Wiley, 252-258

The Pick-Up-Sticks Game (Barbara McDowell). In H. Kaduson and C.E. Schaefer (Eds), 101 Favorite Play Therapy Techniques. Aronson, 1997, 145-149

PS. I have linked this to: Show and Tell @ ABC and 123

Love Connections

Life is just so busy busy! Do you ever stop and suddenly realize that you haven't connected with your child for a few days. I'm referring to a real, meaningful, emotional connection. Perhaps you have been distracted, stressed or simply going through the motions of daily activities and commitments. Whatever the reason, it is so easy to lose that connection . Of course, we all focus on the "must-haves and must-do's", such as meals, clothing, homework, fetching -and-carrying, but we can so easily neglect the emotional stuff.

I find that my little one asks for that meaningful connection. When he asks, or usually demands my attention, as busy as I am, I respond to him. Sometimes he brings me a book to read; other times he just wants me to pick him up for a cuddle and I automatically engage with him. A hug, a kiss, a quick swing around the room. On the other hand, my older son is for the most part pretty independent and just gets on with things. It's him that I really need to connect with more frequently. Those connection moments so easily slip through the cracks. So here is my first quick and easy, but effective idea for love connections everyday.

Love letters...

These are so easy...grab a small note and jot down a positive message...something to make your child feel loved and special. It doesn't have to be pretty. I just like pretty! Then post it. Pop it into a lunchbox, put it on their pillow before bedtime, next to the cereal bowl, on the bathroom mirror...anywhere!

(My son's friends admittedly teased him when I popped it into his lunchbox, so that was not such a good idea for his age group. I have a friend, however, with daughters of the same age and she says that the girls just love it.)

Here are some suggestions for love letter writing. Start your letters with the following:

• I/We think...
• I feel...
• I love that you...
• You are...
• Always remember...

In your letters you can express your feelings towards your child, give positive affirmations, acknowledge behaviour or character traits that you like, or leave little bits of reassuring advice. Have fun writing yours...I did mine! I will post some more quick and easy love connections soon.

PS. I would like to acknowledge that my inspiration for the photographs in this post is from Katherine Marie, photographer extraordinaire! If you would like to visit her, pop over to katherinemariephotography.com